a dark heart

A Dark Heart

It’s not just a nightmare, it’s a memory. 

My childishness surprises me sometimes. Even just the habit of holding onto my stuff animals, I find comfort. I feel safe and protected. Whenever I’m in broad daylight, surrounded by people, I feel very unsafe. Almost as if the light exposes my armorless exterior. I fear knowing-eyes; it’s not fair that I’m left here on this stage.

It didn’t rain tonight. I was disappointed coming out of work. I like to play in the pouring rain. Of course, I usually get sick the day after, but I think it’s all worth it. The other day I realized that a lot of the things I enjoy doing….is usually free. I mean, I never thought of myself as a simple person, but I guess I am kind of a simple person. I like going to the park and play on the swings. I like running around in the rain and I like playing with stray cats. The only expense is transportation. I love to travel. If I’m lucky, I want to travel all over the world, but never staying in one place for too long because I don’t want to grow attach to anything or anyone. If only.

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walking with ∫℘ί∂ℯrş

You know how when you were a kid, you used to think to yourself, “I’m never going to turn into that kind of person! I don’t understand them; I’ll never become THAT person.” But then, you’re finally a 20-something year old, or a 30-something year old, or 40, 50,…and you realized that you’ve become exactly THAT kind of person.

The world has a twisted kind of humor, doesn’t it? It used to be easy to stay put, but then the world decided to hunt you down and all you can do is run. Even your own shadow has traded spaces with you. No longer human, but just a body collapsed on the ground, with people occasionally passing by.

My heart is fleeting and my dream is a nightmare.

Nothing is the same anymore. I’m not the same anymore.

Let’s set sail, and go somewhere to find who I am.

walking with spiders

This is me saying, Hello—I’m sorry, I’ve neglected this blog. Let me re-introduce myself. I’m just another blogger with nothing to offer. With only a peculiar mind, known to spin a web of tangled thoughts here and there…and maybe a little bit over there in the corner, too…I try to make sense of everything through writing. I like to provoke confusion and manipulate minds when I’m bored. I like to have tea parties, but I only invite people I like. Don’t worry, if I dislike you I’ll still invite you to be lunch. I’m also annoyingly sarcastic. I apologize. No, I don’t apologize. I take that back. Gimme back my apology.


I haven’t taken any selca, selfie, portrait of myself (what are kids calling it nowadays?) this year! I’m not used to it, I held my camera like “what is this sorcery?” and snap! Heh, total #fail. Anywho~ I need to find time to photograph things. I miss taking pictures, but being stuck at work or inside the car all day and night, it’s difficult.

Maybe I should cry for help. Maybe I should kill myself. Blame it on my A.D.D., baby~ ♫ Sail [AWOLNATION]


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© Kirsty Mitchell

Daughter of…

Images are from Kirsty Mitchell Photography.
I recommend every photography-enthusiast to check her out.

Kirsty Mitchell Photography

I fell ill. It’s horrible timing, too. I wanted to go back to blogging, but it seems like time is always against me. However, I do appreciate everyone who welcomed me back even though I haven’t gotten the time to return comments, but I will—it’s just a matter of time. Last week felt like a roller coaster of emotions, maybe it was the added effects of the flu—so my mind kept repeating past memories like a broken record. Yes, it was quite annoying and frustrating, but what’s even more frustrating is trying to mask that at work…Ironically, I guess it is right timing to be sick, people will just think I’m gloomy because of the flu/cold.

I’m still working night shifts, so I don’t get home till late in the night. Albeit, I don’t exactly go home right after work—I like to make people believe that I do, though. I go somewhere first and pretend it’s therapeutic. Sometimes, we fall into our own rabbit hole, and forget which way is up and which way is down.

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When I Wake Up

I apologize for the long hiatus. For awhile I had hosting problems, but that’s all fixed now and my blog is back up—actually, it has been back up for a couple of months now—but then, I had issues with my old macbook, and school, and stuff. Fortunately, I finally bought myself a new macbook pro with retina (MBPr), so now I can go back to blogging! I miss blogging. Believe me, I really miss it because blogging seems to keep my life a little organized..balanced? I don’t know what it is with blogging, but it makes me feel like there is something to do towards the end of the day, it sort of balances my mind.

I can’t believe it’s already 2014. My life is going in a steady, but not so steady pace. I got my driver’s license and immediately, I found an internship and then a job! That’s basically the gist of accomplishments. It’s definitely not something amazing to be proud of, but at least I’m somewhat moving forward…backward…forward. Well, at least, I’m moving somewhere. It’s something. At the same time, I wonder if I need a mental break from it all. I never took that time to properly express myself; I’m just not ready.

Chamomileimage credit: zim2687

Anywho, I thought I should just update a little post before I start the ball rolling and going back to my regular blogging habits—which is hopefully a blog post per each week (???)—depending on how busy I’m going to be and school and being that I am in my last semester, I should probably focus in my studies and other majorly things that’s going on in my life. So…yea. I’m sorry if my writing is going all ca-su-al… but I just got off work and all I can think about is running outside in the cold and jumping around on rooftops. Yea, I live on the wild side. I’m just kidding /puuunniiii

You know what’s funny, though? “When I grow up ____” was the one sentence that I struggled to complete,  but now, I’m trying to complete this new sentence: “When I wake up ____.” Just a random thought. Good night.

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my beauty rescue

A student’s life is a stressful one, especially when you’re juggling with a lot of things at once. But I’m up for the challenge. This time around I plan to organize my time a bit better and I also plan to make time to pamper myself with girly things like facial masks, painting my nails, deep conditioning my hair, and etc. I feel like when I am overworked or if I am overly stressed-out, it really shows. My skin tends to break out and my hair sheds like no other! And people who are in a similar position as me seems to be the complete opposite. Instead, they look like they’ve been bathing in gorgeousness. /whhy_cry So unfair!

school days

Life is giving me a headache /meeh

I like to try out new things specifically beauty products. Actually, to be more precise, I like to own things that are in pretty packaging because in all honestly, I’m just a sucker for cute and pretty things /panda But luckily, when my skin starts to stress out, I’ve found a formula that works best for my skin type—and let me tell you, my skin type is, in my opinion, the most complicated. Why? Because I have oily skin—BUT wait, that’s not the only issue here, it’s oily AND dehydrated AND acne-prone AND sensitive. Yes, my skin is oily AND dehydrated. It’s quite the conundrum because if I use too heavy of a moisturizer, my skin will get super oily, but if I use too light of a moisturizer, my skin isn’t getting enough hydration and then it turns to dehydration and in response to dehydration, it ends up producing more oil thinking that it’ll fix the issue. /dizzzy

And since I am acne-prone and sensitive, a lot of acne products do not work on me. Thus, after a lot of trial and error, I’ve came to the conclusion that my skin works best with gentle products—no frills, just your basic, but effective beauty products.

beauty rescue

oh….and HONEY

From left to right: Simple‘s refreshing facial wash gel, HONEEEY (for making facial mask), Elizabeth Arden‘s Hydrating Mask (got it from Marshall for $5-6), Freeman‘s Facial Clay Mask in Avocado & Oatmeal, Dickinson‘s pore perfecting toner-witch hazel, Shiseido‘s Perfect Liquid Makeup remover.

These are currently my favorite products to use. (I have an ultimate weapon that isn’t in the photograph, but maybe next time). And the best part is that they’re all budget-friendly. /ohh And if you want to go all natural, try making your own facial mask with honey and GREEK YOGURT (you can get them both in organic, too). These two ingredients work wonders for my skin. I don’t want to bore you with the scientific benefits of using honey and greek yogurt, but just know that they’re nature’s way of killing bacteria and healing your skin while providing a moisturizing effect.

There are other products that I love too, but right now I just want to show you the really basic things. I also highly suggest trying out Hada Labo‘s Super Hyaluronic Acid or any of their lotion (toner) line if you’re in need of extra hydration. It’s super gentle and you’ll wake up with really plumpy skin. /puuunniiii Start patting your skin with delicious skincare!

And for the paranoid people out there: I was not sponsored nor was I paid to write this post. Everything was paid with my own money and it is my 100% honest opinion. Without further ado, I hope this has helped you and please do tell me what your beauty rescues are and what type of skin do you have. Good luck with your studies, work, or whatever that you do /niko_nikko

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